Crack Abuse
by Elevator Cakes
Summary: A crack fic about Seb and Claude, a Marijuana plant, and a genitalia monster. Colab with GG-San and Mike Litoris.
1. Too much Crack

A Crack Fic

This is a collaboration with Mike Litoris, GG-san and Myself.

A warning, this crack fic was written on a late Sunday night by a bunch of high school idiots who had nothing better to do. This is rated M for a reason. Don't throw a hissy fit in the reviews because all I will say is 'its your fault for reading'. I posted this merely because I could. Read at your own risk.

Another warning: brief mentions of necrophilia, incest (thank god GG stopped us before we did bestiality), and vagina monsters.

**A/N: This fic was written in a private group chat, so it may not fit together right. Author comments will be in brackets. This version has been edited with punctuation and correct spelling, I have also filtered it so it makes some sense. If you would like to see the original version (with the author comments and other shit I left out so it would make sense) leave a review and I might be bothered to put it together.**

Disclaimer: We don't own Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji , we are glad we don't because if we did it wouldn't be suitable for human consumption anymore.

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><p>"SebASTION! Wheres my fucking crack!?" says Ciel.<p>

Sebastian turns his gaze towards the young master stunned at the question he has been asked.

"Young Master, I sniffed it all." says Seb.

"Lets gang bang Claude."

Seb and the little cunt run off to wherever the fuck Claude was hanging out. Of course the little blonde shit is with him, aloe or whatever.

Claude was innocently picking 'basil' in the veggie garden.

When he sees Ciel of in the distance, riding Sebastian like a fucking stallion, and turns to look at Sebby, unamused.

"Get the fuck away from my drugs" says Claude.

"Fuck you grandma I do what I want" Sebby replied.

Claude attempts to fend off the Seb stallion by throwing dildos at him.

Claude also notices Sebbies erect cock.

One of the dildos finds it way in Ciels weeping hole.

Claude starts to fondle himself.

The dildos have somehow made their way into Sebs anus.

Alois jumps out of the vegetable garden holding a knife and a ballpoint pen

Seb rips his clothes off like a 80s glam rock star.

Shebby moans erotically.

Then the marijuana plants come to life. Ciel is violated first.

The plants are wearing sunnies.

"Duuude nice assss," says one of the very high plants, "im soooooo finding you sweet spot duuude."

Claude attempt's to free Ciel from the plants strong grip.

Disgusted, Ciel runs away.

They capture Claude too.

Claude moans.

Te plant tears his clothes apart, he is wearing knee high socks.

Sebby is left very stiff, watching him.

The blonde bitch aloe or whatever is killed because he's a cunt who can't handle quality plant dick.

Sebby rubs his dick. His dick grows 20 meters longer.

Claude is horrified.

He uses it as a light saber.

As disappointing as it is, it seems Seb is a complete moron when it comes to masturbation.

The plants take advantage of the situation.

"ah...ha...unh.."

He rubs too hard and his dick goes beyond the laws of physics.

His dick flies away into the sunset.

Ciels having none of it though and commands it to come back.

Sebs dick is afraid of Ciel. It has received much abuse.

Ceil places his tiny bottom on to the plants massive cock. The plant groans in excitement.

"Oohhh...i..i like your ochinchin!"

Then...out of no where... A VAGINA

The men hiss, and run away, and continue fucking (?)

The Vagina approaches at a steady pace.

The marijuana plant withers and dies, but the Vagina consumes it for photosynthesis.

Aloe or whoever the fucker is, is the only virgin left. But he 'sadly' perishes.

Aloe shoved 200 dildos in his rectum and...

explodes.

The Vagina is amused.

That was the tragic death of Aloe.

RIP

Death by 200 dildo's.

Seb and Claude continue fucking.

The Vagina eats them.

Sebby, Claude and Ciel travel through the mighty Fallopian tubes.

"He was my nigga," Claude said, "glad hes dead though, fucker was a cockblocker."

Sebby silenced him with a kiss.

Then they fucked him, his corpse.

"NECROPHILIA, BITCH!"

FTW

The Vagina, with its narrow minded, 'straight' principles, is repelled.

-40 damage.

Ciel finds his long lost twin bro and fucks him. Incest.

-40 damage

Claude groped Sebs nips.

-300 damage

The Vagina shoots them out with the force of a thousand suns.

Ciel loses sight of his long lost twin, he is lost in the birth.

"FUCK OF VAGINA," Sebby roared.

The vagina left crying tears of blood.

Poor vagina.

oH WAIT.

Shes on her period.

Shebby and Claude continue to explore each others butts with their fingers.

Claude seductively licks whipped cream off Seb-

**GG: **_Okay okay, CUTTTTTT._

_GUYS_

**Cake:**_ What? Did we go too far?_

**GG: **_STOP THIS AT ONCE._

**Cake:** _NO_

**Mike: **Then Morgan freeman appears out of Claude's ass and they all die.

**GG: **_WE START AGAIN_

**Mike:** The End.

**GG: **_OKAY NEW STORY._

**Cake: **_WAIT NO_

**GG: **_WE DO THIS PROPERLY._

**Cake: **_G__IMME A SECOND_

_RIGHT OKAY_

_HERE WE GO._

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><p><strong>AN** I warned you didn't I?

Please take into account this was an improv, on the spot, quick crack fic which we wrote in a Facebook group chat and didn't expect to go _that _far. Yes we did go on to write another fic, which we are currently doing under the promise of_ 'no more crack'. _Unfortunately that promise has all but been demolished, its only a slightly better written crack fic.

Feel free to flame this fic, its horrible, I know it, you know it, this is only being posted as a bit of a laugh. If your offended, good, you should be, this is probably the worst thing that happened to you since someone tricked you into looking at lemonparty or tungirl or goatse (if you don't know what these are, run as far away from the internet as you possibly can while your innocence lasts).

Anyway, thats all folks (unless I decide to post the unedited version *shudder*)

Love from

-Elevator Cakes

-GG-San

-Mike Litoris

_PS: Honestly, if you think this is bad, play Hadaka Shitsuji._


	2. Uncut version

**Right**

**Here we are again**

**Due to boredom (and writers block) I've put together what the original chat looked like, with author comments and everything. I am Cakes, GG-san is GG, and Mike Litoris is Mike. Authors notes are in brackets.**

**I REPEAT: AUTHORS NOTES ARE IN BRACKETS**

**BRACKETS = AUTHORS NOTES**

**Same warnings as before, this is pretty much the same, just the uncut version with all our horrible spelling mistakes and yelling. This will also make no sense.**

**Well, without further a do.**

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><p><strong>Cakes: <strong>(go GG)

**GG: **(fuck)

( guys we need to research )

**Cakes: **(research what)

**GG: **( the characters )

**Mike: **(these are some dope authors notes we got going)

**GG: **(numbskull)

(agreed)

**Cakes:**

(its a crack fic who cares, if its a feel one we needs research)

**Mike: **(Make it insane)

**GG: **"sebastian! where's ma fucking crack? "

" young master, i sniffed it all."

**Mike: **Sebastian turns his gaze towards the young master stunned at the question he has been asked

**GG: **"lets gang bang claude "

**Mike: **(Where the fuck is Cake)

**GG: **( im laughing too hard )

**Cake: **Seb and the little cunt run the wherever the fuck Claude is hanging iut

Of course the other little blonde shit is with hin

**GG: **claude was innocently picking some basil in the veggie garden

**Mike: **When he sees ciel of in the distance riding Sebastian like a fucking stallion

**GG: **and turns too look at shebby unamused

**Cake: **"get the fuck away from my drugs"

**Mike: **"Fuck you grandma I do what I want" Sebby replied

**Cake: **Claude attempts to fend off the seb stallion by throwing dildos at him

**GG: **claude notices shebbies erect cock

(im so sorry guys)

**Cake: **He fails and ciel succefully makes it into his marijuana garden

**Mike: **One of the dildos finds it way in ciel weeping hole

**GG: **claude stats to fondle himself

**Cake: **The dildos have somehow made their way into sebs anus

**Mike: **Alois jumps out of the vegetable garden holding a knife and a ballpoint pen

**Cake: **Seb rips his clothes off like a 80s glam rock star

**GG: **shebby moans erotically

**Mike: **Then the marijuana plants come to life

Ciel is violated first

**GG: **wearing sunnies

"duuude nice assss"

says one of the very high plants

"im soooooo finding you sweet spot duuude"

**Mike: **Claude attempts to free ciel from the plants strong grip

**GG: **disgusted ciel runs away

**Cake: **They capture clusde too

**Mike: **Claude moans

**GG: **tearing is clothes apart

**Mike: **Wearing knee high socks

**Cake: **The blonde bitch aloe or whatever is killed because he's a cunt who can't handle quality plant dick

**GG: **shebby is left very stiff watching him

**Cake: **Sebby rubs his dick

**Mike: **His dick grows 20 metres more

**GG: **claude is horrified

**Mike: **He uses it as a lightsaber

**Cake: **As disappointing as it is, it seems seb is a complete moron when it comes to masturbation

**Mike: **the plants take advantage of the situation

**GG: **"ah...ha...unh.."

(hehhehe)

**Cake: **He rubs too hard and his dick goes beyond the laws of physics

**GG: **his dick flies away

into the sunset

whilst inside shebby

**Cake: **It implants itself in claudez miurh

**Mike: **Ciels having none of it though and commands it to come back

**Cake: **Sebs dick is afraid of ciel

**Mike: **It has received much abuse

**GG: **ceil places his tiny bottom on to the plants massive cock

**Mike: **the plant groans in excitement

**GG: **"oohhh...i..i like your ochinchin!"

**Cake: ***auvggggggg' goes the olabt

**Mike: **Then out of nowhere

**Cake: **A VAGINA

the men hiss

**GG: **and run away

and continue fucking

**Mike: **The vagina approaches at a steady pace

**Cake: **The marijuana plant withers and dies

**GG: **but the

**Mike: **The vagina consumes it for photosynthesis

**GG: **ciel is eaten by the vagina

**Cake: **Aloe pr whatever the fucker is is the only one left

**Mike: **But he had sadly perished

**Cake: **Seb and Claude continue fucki f

**Mike: **Claude, Sebby and ciel travel through the mighty Fallopian tubes

**GG: **aloe put 200 dildos in his rectum and..

explodes

**Mike: **The vagina is amused

**GG: **thats was the tragic death on aloe

rip

death by 200 dildoes

**Mike: **He was my nigga Claude said

**Cake: **glad hes dead though

said claude

fucker wa a cockblock

**GG: **then they fuck him

**Mike: **Sebby silenced him with a kiss

**Cake: **'NECROPHILIA BITCH'

**GG: **his corpse

FTW

**Cake: **tHE vagina with its narow minded straigght principles is repelled

**GG: **ceil finds his twin bro and fucks him

incest

**Cake: **clude groped sebs nips

**Mike: **The vagina shoots them out with the force of a thousand suns.

**Cake: **ciel loses sight f his long lost twin

he is lost in the birth

**GG: **"FUCK OFF VAGINA!" shebby roared

**Mike: **He stars to cry like a fucking pussy

**GG: **the vagina left

crying

poor vagina

**Cake:**

tears of blood

oh wait

its her time of month

**Mike: **Tears of whipped cream and cranberry sauce

(What the actual fuck)

**GG: **shebby and claude continue to explore each others butts with thier fingers

**Cake: **claude seductivly licks whipped cream off sb

**GG: **(okay okya CUTT)

(GUYS)

**Cake: **(WHAT

**GG: **(STOP THIS AT ONCE )

**Cake: **(NO)

(did we go too far)

**Mike: **Then Morgan freeman appears out of Claude's ass and they all die

**GG: **(WE START AGAIN)

**Mike: **the end

**GG: **OKAY NEW STORY

**Cake: **WAIT NO

**GG: **WE DO THI SPROPALY

**Cake: **GIMME A SECOND

Right oh

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><p><strong>And they all lived happily ever after.<strong>

**If you read that I hounestly feel bad for you, almost as bad as I feel for myself after going through that and changing all the names.**

**Anyway, feel free to flame, laugh, share with friends, who doesn't love a good crack fic.**

**Love**

**- Elevator Cakes**

**-GG-San**

**-Mike Litoris**


End file.
